The Declaration Of My Creed
Welcome to “The Declaration Of My Creed”. My name is Saeed Tarif Omari Cantey; my last name is suppose to be “Mercer” but since my grandfather wanted to be a player my grandmother didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. So now I have my fathers mothers fathers last name. And you know what I’m going to embrace the fact that I was going to have a fucked up life from the beginning of my time because of my parents upbringing, learn from it, and channel all my thoughts and feelings into an art form. Such as poetry, music, and this essay your reading now. I didn’t always know my parents stories growing up, I’ve learned more and more over the years. And you know what? Their upbringings sucked, as far as I heard and can see for myself. And I’m not surprised that mines sucked as well. No one is perfect, so I didn’t have a perfect upbringing. But I did learn a lot of good things from my parents that’ll stick with me forever.
But I always hated my life because I always knew there wasn’t any hope for me as a young black male in America. We are descendants of slaves from the motherland and the Native Americans who fought and died for this land against the oppressors. The oppressors even oppress their own kind so where’s the hope for us? I believe life is about “War”; I believe life is war, and it’s inevitable. Young blacks and Latinos kill each other everyday and get killed everyday by police officers. We are given long jail sentences and life sentences everyday for chasing dreams and protecting our family, our loved ones, the people we live and die for because life is a struggle. So we sacrifice and suffer for the ones we love. We’re born warriors and have to be soldiers for our families and ourselves. Fighting this war takes a lot! We fight with being hopeless and faithless. I only have faith in there being no hope for us at all because I feel and believe we were born to die warriors and soldiers for the cause; our family, our skin color, our creed.
A lot of people look to religion for hope and faith to cope. To me religion is a discipline and a coping mechanism for people. I take a lot from religion; but I don’t submit to nothing man made because its all someone else’s beliefs and motive behind why it was created. I’ve heard that Christianity was created to keep the people from the motherland mentally enslaved. That’s why I’ll never submit to any religion. But I do believe there is definitely something fucking amazing out there because what the hell created us? That’s a subject that we can go on forever about using science and our imaginations because who knows? And will we ever know? Maybe not… That’s why I choose to leave it a mystery that never needs to be solved at all. No need for irrelevant intelligence. I believe in circumcision because who gives a fuck about if the earth is flat or round? Is knowing or debating about it with someone feeding you or putting clothes on your back? Is it giving you hope or faith? I didn’t think so, but hey that’s just my belief. You can do what you want it’s your life so choose your own fate and consequences because I’ll be choosing my own as well. I just know too much information can be irrelevant and vanity and can make you feel you know it all and can make you become very arrogant. No one is perfect but I’m just stating a fact.
And no matter what you believe there’s always going to be people who believe different; facts or not. Everyone is different. Everyone has their own mental health state or condition. No one is normal, whatever that is; and no one is perfect, whatever that is. But you know what? That’s what makes things seem normal and makes us perfect. I believe. So it’s okay to be who you are, we just have to deal with our issues and take the good with the bad and make the best out of our situations; I believe. Because that’s what I’m doing; I’m dealing with paranoia, depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder. I’ve been dealing with depression since a kid once my father started being in and out of my life. I hated life because I loved my father and still love my father and always wanted him around. I started to become rebellious against any authority such as teachers and my mother because I knew life sucked and I wasn’t getting the support I needed so I just wanted to be with my friends. So I started cutting school and coming home late. I started smoking weed at 12 because everyone around me did it even my father and I never looked back. I liked the effect of the weed and being with my friends so I started to self-medicate my depression and hopelessness. And I still do the same thing to this day, except now I can drink because I’m over 21 but I had my first official drink at 17 with my friends. Now my fathers has been dead since September 1st 2008 Labor Day from murder; a botched robbery. Now I know he’s never going to come back, before I had hope and faith that he was going to come back. Now I’ve lost it all. So now its even more stress and depression everyday for me.
I almost lost my life in 2012 to a stab wound trying to talk out my conflicts instead of being more physically aggressive. Now I know to stay aggressive and use it when necessary. That’s a symptom of my PTSD. I believe my anxiety comes from wanting to do and be more than just a criminal and a jailbird because I know my potential, heart and mind. I’m tired of suffering and I’m tired of the people who love and care about me suffering as well. I want to be successful; financially stable, and untouchable from the system. But I’m not, and I may never be. I think about my future everyday and remember how I have no control of anything but my physical actions. No one else’s thoughts or actions who can come and take away something I’ve worked so hard for, for so long. I tried the work and school thing, I wanted to work with the youth and give them some hope but it didn’t work out. I quit my job and dropped out of college my 3rdsemester because there was too much other things going on in my neighborhood. People dying and I had younger brothers I thought about every single day that I knew I had to protect because I’m their big brother. And I also had myself to think about and protect. Way too much depression and paranoia to even think that I can or will have a bright future at all. Either death or jail and that’s it. Now all I want to do is just voice my opinions, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and work on my music till I die. Maybe I’ll touch people with my words and you know what? I’m content with that because most things we chase out here is bullshit! Vanity! A distraction from reality!
And I think I found my way through all the bullshit, all the fake shit. Mainstream media, social networks, fake asses and fake tits, bleaching cream, fake hair, “self-mutilation” by our fellow beautiful and perfect Queens from the motherland. Our fellow Kings from the motherland ignorantly and pride fully chasing ass just to treat her bad and knock her up to regret it and abandon her and his child because he knows no better and leaves a child here to repeat the same cycle again. SMH, will it ever end? I just started thinking about this earlier this year because I was reading things on social networking sites and noticing that there’s something really going on right now and its been going on for years and it isn’t a good thing. We all need to educate ourselves about what’s going on right now with dating each other because she isn’t just some bad bitch you met in the club she’s our sister and needs to be treated as such! And he’s not just some fly nigga you met in the club either he’s our brother! And we’re in this together! Y’all see our racist ass president and his supporters all over the news making headlines showing how much they don’t give a fuck about us and want to keep us oppressed. We have to stick together and be very mindful with everything we do. I don’t really believe in marriage but I definitely believe in the union of a Black Queen and a Black King because what else is there on earth to do but start a family to provide for and protect “TOGETHER”? Ill wait…
Maybe a hobby that you love or helping others but your still using that provide and protect instinct that we all were given when we were created, so am I wrong? I’ll wait… And I’m not going to lie, sometimes I believe that we shouldn’t have kids because we know all the things that kids go through growing up because we once were children and we also hear stories and have seen things as well. But at the same time family makes everything well worth it. Seeing children smile, laugh, play and have fun is beautiful and priceless. It makes life worth living; it gives people a purpose in life. And that’s what everyone wants and needs to find in life; “PURPOSE”, their “CALLING”, the “REASON THEY ARE HERE”. Though they are here because they were created by their parents; we all still need to find our way of life. And being a parent is one of those major things in life. We were given the power to reproduce, through love, for the love of our beautiful sisters and brothers. So why not? I’m not against it at all. We all need family to keep us on our toes and motivated to do whatever it is when we wake up in the morning. I know I need that motivation everyday. But that’s just my beliefs… That’s just my “Creed”…
Saeed Tarif Omari Cantey
Posted 1 week ago by Saeed Cantey
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