Living, and staying in the past can stagnant you severely. Generation after generation, just repeat the same cycle. Unspoken abuse in every way imaginable, unless you were a victim, then it becomes mum, silent. Everybody’s quiet until it affects them personally. Still stuck, blaming other’s, without a clue to the truth. Don’t even want the truth. Continue to hurt, and accept pain because that’s what they’re use to dealing with. Let’s not forget the hush and just sweep it under the rug. Nobody wants to forgive and talk about it, instead just continue being bitter and angry and past it down to the next generation, which don’t have a clue to what’s going on, and why they’re being treating with mental physical and emotional abuse. Please end the cycle! Please vent, talk about it, get it out your system, cut the cord, ask questions, have regard for other people feelings, get help, go see a therapist. Leave the past in the past, and make for a better future… for everyone. ~ DTRC
Just Having A Moment
Life’s a battlefield
Confusion in the background
No way through
Nobody could hear me speak
Nobody could see me
I’m screaming, shouting
Flowing, streaming tears
Stepping in puddles
Where am I
Who am I
Which way to turn, which way to go
My heart beating fast
Catching my breath
Palms in a sweat
I hear a voice
Sounds like mine
No need to worry
You’re not alone
Close your eyes
Go back to sleep
Your just having a moment of many to come, for it’s okay
Breathe deeply and slowly
Relax your body
Think of the wonderful life ahead
Just take it one day at a time.
In 1994, after I gave birth. I was told I have a healthy seven pound, two ounce baby boy. Handsome as he wanna be. After bringing my son home, as time and life went on. Besides from being a screamer, we named him that because he was known throughout the neighborhood as such. You could hear him a block away. One day he was upstairs in his crib sleeping, and I heard a loud thump. I ran upstairs to find my son out his crib on the floor crawling. I said oh lord, he learned something new, he learned to climb out the crib. My son was so hyper, he couldn’t keep still. I knew my days of relaxing was over. Then after while he started kindergarten, then first grade. Which became a learning struggle for him. He started falling behind, which led him to become held over. He continued to struggle, and needed special education classes. As time went on, I’ll say about age eight or nine. We’ll before middle school, I noticed a slight dent in his head. That was right after he caught the ringworm at a family members house. I took him to his family doctor and his doctor claimed the dent was caused by the ringworm. Unknowingly to me, I continued to administer the cream accordingly, until it cleared. The dent was still in place, and at that time we moved to Connecticut and my son was entering middle school. I found him a new family doctor, which referred us to Yale hospital, located in New Haven Connecticut. After his scheduled appointment, X-ray of his skull. He was diagnosed with having Craniosynostosis. Still not educated and wasn’t told of his future symptoms. In 2010, he started having seizures. Now to this day, he’s taking nine pills, two types of medications totaling 3,100 milligrams. His dent in his scalp deepened and his nose is somewhat enlarged on one side. You really have to be close up on him to notice. He use to get very defensive when be ridiculed or teased about his defect, also he didn’t have a understanding his deformity. Until I became more knowledgeable and explained in a way that he could understand. I also showed him pictures and stories that he can relate to. Recently we moved and switched his neurologist. Which in turn wants to lower his medicine. He still struggles academically, but at the best in math. He basically just needs guidance and directions, but above all he’s my gentle giant with a heart of gold and strength of a mule. He’s currently in training for employment and the GED exam. Which he failed twice, but passed the math. He’s a poet at heart. And a comedian, it’s never a dull moment with him around. And, a serious go getter. I wanted to share this story to say if I only knew. But there were no signs at birth, so how would I’ve known. I mentally blamed his pediatrician and his delivery doctor. I was told by a family friend, that technology is more advanced today then yesterday. I just continue to pray. It could’ve been much worse. What I learned is to ask questions and get second opinions, always. I also learned we are not alone. We all have a story. Sharing and helping others to become more aware and knowledgeable is the best gift of giving back.
CRANOSYNOSTOSIS- A misshapen skull, with the shape depending on which of the sutures are affected.
An abnormal feeling or disappearing fontanel on your baby’s skull.
Development of a raised, hard ridge along affected sutures.
Slow or no growth of the head as your baby grows.
just some examples
Letting go sounds like a simple thing to do, but the fact of the matter it’s not that simple. We hold on to relationships that are not healthy, we stay at jobs we’re unfulfilled, we hold on to past hurts, we just hold on. Sometimes it has nothing to do with what were unhappy with or at, it’s just being unhappy with what we have accepted, with the fear of change, with the hope that it will change without our consent our own doing. Without our consent things that make us unhappy will continue. We have to find out who we are, what makes us happy, what can we do to make us happy, before signing the consent form to letting other’s share in our happiness, as well as compliment it. Just like wearing makeup, we’re already beautiful beforehand, makeup just enhances our beauty. We have to let go of the things that knocks us down, suck the life out of us, changes our mood, even when we don’t want to. We have to let go the fear of change, for change is good. We have to let go the feeling of failure, for it’s the best feeling in the world. When you experience the feeling of letting go, and notice that you’re still standing and stronger then before, continue to let go with all you got to give to yourself. Remember it may seem like a lost, but it’s only a gain. When you start worrying and feel like you can’t let go, breathe deeply, exhale, and tell yourself you got this, this is your life, you make decisions for you and only you. Nobody can make you stay anywhere, anyplace. If you have to scream or shout, do it. Just vent to someone you trust, write your feelings down. Just focus on you, put you first. And just Let Go… ~DTRC
We often hear people say… Love yourself first. Do we even know what that actually means, to love yourself? Does it mean put yourself first without the possibility of being selfish toward others? With or without knowledge, or being aware. I can only speak on my behalf or try to. I wasn’t aware of putting others before me besides my children. I found out the hard way when ailments crept in my life with medication attached. Now I’m learning to say no. But now I know that loving yourself means to eat healthy as possible, exercise mentally, spiritually, physically and financially. Also to give back without expecting anything in return. Just know your limit in doing for others. We have to live not just exist. We have to make ourselves happy with the sense of feeling free to do whatever we want without societies consent. We have to make it right for Us. I was told last year, by a family member is that, I don’t have the things I really want because I don’t ask. I had to let that simmer for a minute, and the next day I thought about what was said to me, and realize it was true. I was so use to doing/handling things on my own, that I didn’t know what it felt like to be helped or just given a hand. What’s so ironic is I am always offering a hand Or two. I’ll give before I take. What a lesson learned, still learning. What I know for sure is we must Love Ourselves… Love Yourself…. ~ DTRC